THE holidays are a time when families and friends can get together to talk, to laugh — or get into screaming arguments.
There are plenty of reasons togetherness can turn into tension — maybe that cousin you mostly love has that one opinion on politics or world events you just can’t stand, or that one nosy grandparent won’t stop asking about your life choices. Perhaps someone at the table is struggling with a substance abuse issue or a mental health concern. And don’t forget that person who is just mean and miserable and spoiling for a fight.
It can be enough to make you want to hit the eggnog extra hard. But experts in psychology and mental health say it doesn’t have to be that way, and they offer suggestions for how to help manage gatherings that might be less than jolly.
Know your ‘why’
It’s important for people to know why they are going into situations they know could be tense or worse, says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist who talks about the damage of narcissistic relationships.
Whether that’s because there are other relatives they want to see or some other reason that is worth the potential drama, it’s vital “to be clear on the reason,” she says, “because otherwise, you feel like you’re just sort of a moth to the flame.”
Don’t fall for the holiday hype
Watch enough holiday movies, and you could be lulled into thinking that a time of year when messages of hope and redemption are everywhere means your relationship with that conflict-prone person you have fought with in most other moments of your life will also somehow magically be all sunshine and roses.
“There’s that kind of relationship-healing fantasy,” says Dr. Tracy Hutchinson, who teaches in the graduate clinical mental health program at the College of William.
However, the reality is that the holiday season does not automatically erase long-standing conflicts or heal strained relationships. It’s important to approach these gatherings with realistic expectations and acknowledge that tensions may still exist.
Set boundaries and manage expectations
One way to navigate potential conflicts during holiday gatherings is by setting clear boundaries and managing expectations. Communicate your needs and limits to your family members or friends beforehand, so they understand what is acceptable and what is not.
Dr. Durvasula suggests having a pre-holiday conversation with the individuals who tend to cause tension. Express your concerns and discuss ways to minimize conflict or avoid triggering topics. This proactive approach can help create a more harmonious atmosphere.
Practice active listening and empathy
During heated discussions or arguments, it’s essential to practice active listening and empathy. Instead of focusing on proving your point or winning the argument, try to understand the other person’s perspective.
Dr. Hutchinson emphasizes the importance of validating others’ emotions, even if you disagree with their opinions. Remember that everyone has their own unique experiences and beliefs that shape their worldview. By demonstrating empathy and understanding, you can foster a more compassionate and respectful environment.
Take breaks and self-care
If tensions rise and emotions become overwhelming, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care. Recognize when you need a break and step away from the situation temporarily. Engage in activities that help you relax and recharge, such as going for a walk, practicing deep breathing exercises, or listening to calming music.
Additionally, be mindful of your own well-being during the holiday season. Make sure to get enough rest, eat nutritious meals, and engage in activities that bring you joy. Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally can help you better navigate potential conflicts and maintain your mental health.
Seek professional help if needed
If tensions and conflicts persist or escalate during holiday gatherings, seeking professional help can be beneficial. A licensed therapist or counselor can provide guidance and support in managing relationship dynamics and improving communication skills.
Remember, the holiday season should be a time of joy and connection. By implementing these strategies and seeking professional help when necessary, you can navigate tense situations and create more harmonious holiday gatherings.
Source: The Manila Times
